But for you, the Turncoat reader, your time is as precious as space-gold, so I'll just spell it out for you. “Lumbersexual”. Even if you have never heard this term before, and even if you are not in the fashion loop in any way, I know you will recognise what I’m talking about here. It's one of the dominant and most visually obvious male beauty ideals around.
Raising a Lumbersexual
The Lumbersexual is basically the child of two previous looks, the Metrosexual and the Hipster. Like all children, the Lumbersexual had features of both parents, but was also a rebellion against both these ‘movements’.
The Metrosexual, as some of you will remember, epitomised the ideas of men embracing fashion, style and grooming, but the culture itself had overtones of effeminacy. Even the name itself was a portmanteau [magic word thing], as men's style and fashion was often associated with cities and gay culture.
The Lumbersexual took the love of style and grooming from the Metrosexual, but wanted to move away from the effeminacy. A looooooong way. The result is a hyper masculine aesthetic. No hint of the city, everything about the Lumbersexual looks rough and tumble. No salmon shirts for Bruce. But make no mistake, he still uses his ylang ylang beard oil, and he still buys expensive leather belts. The secret here is that it doesn't LOOK like he cares about that sort of thing. Although the beard looks effortless, and the look is hard; the beard is groomed daily, and his moisturised skin is as soft as a …. soft… mountain… thing. Blogging is hard.
The Lumbersexual appears more like its Hipster parent, but the similarities are surface level only. The differences are all morals and values and shit. You know when a total stoner hippy couple have children, and those kids grow up to be accountants? The Hipster and Lumbersexual are a lot like that. The Hipster movement was all about counter culture. It was absolutely dripping with irony, like organic sourdough with too much foraged loganberry compote.
Now remember, the Lumbersexual is all about the masculine. So it took the flanno and canvas pants, but it has no time for the convoluted soft thinking of the Hipster. Simple, manly, un-ironic ideas.
Kale? Screw you. BACON.
Box frame glasses? Pfft. They’re for nerds.
St Germaine G&T? Fuck off. BEERS.
But of course, ciders and craft beers, because like any child, the apple (or hops) doesn't fall very far from the tree. [Bam. I totally nailed that]
They had a good run, but I have seen the portents, and the end is nigh. I had had my suspicions for some time, the numerous articles on beard exit plans, but I’m calling time of death at seeing the following article headline.
“Justin Bieber’s Man Bun Is Small But Full Of Potential”
Thanks MTV, that’s a death knell if ever I heard one. For an aesthetic that relies on masculinity, Bieber is like a tweenage no-pubes poison. As the look gets butchered by pop culture, it begins to fall apart and dilute, new looks coming in to pick at the carcass and take what they can.
There is a whole industry, 'fashion forecasting', whose job it is to assume the upcoming trends of the next few years. I have as much faith in them as I do the starsigns in Woman's Weekly...
Which I totally don't read....
I have some ideas on what I think is going to big. I can't wait to write a big long post about it, so we can all look back in about a year and see just how little I actually know. Anyway, that's what's coming next, so stay tuned.
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